F*** the Tooth Fairy

22 Apr

Today is Friday, this I am fully aware of. Today is also one of those days where your schedule doesn’t even allow you to be excited over it being Friday because you are too busy to imagine it being over. My assistant, who scheduled me out the arse, is out sick today and probably enjoying her warm home, her puppy and some crap TV (every once in a while you have to watch Jerry Springer to remind yourself how great your life is).

Yesterday the husband started to complain about some tooth discomfort. By the end of the day he was moaning and holding the side of his face. I feel his pain because I hate (read: hate hate hate) the dentist with a passion. What I do not understand though is how you can say “if it gets worse, I will go to the dentist” to me in one breath and then be moaning the next minute later. What is it? Are you dying? Can you wait? You need to communicate with me. Otherwise I will choose to ignore you completely until your testicles descend once again.

(anyone who is not in a relationship right now just cringed and thought that I was a hateful bitch. Sure, that is one way to see it. The other way to see this is as someone who has been in a relationship or who is currently in a relationship and knowing that YES most of the time there is a slight difference in how a husband handles pain versus a wife; or partner vs. partner. There is always ONE in every relationship that just has no tolerance for being sick)

This entire thing is exacerbated by the plain fact that neither of us get sick often so when we do, we tend to be giant babies. I was sick this past February but the previous time I had a cold was January of 2009. Of course the moment I fell ill, it had to be the bubonic plague and I probably was not going to make it. Neither of us have any empathy skills. I have no compassion. When you are sick. I expect you to go to sleep, take medications and be smart about it. If you do these things I will feel really badly for you, cut your crusts off your toast and tuck you in with a smooch on your forehead. If you go out and shovel snow in a tshirt, then I take issue with your whining later on and I will let you know about it.

The children are off to VA with their dad and his wife. They will be going to Williamsburg or some such shit and they will be of course staying in Four Seasons the whole way because his wife is a pretentious DB. I am thankful that he actually will be taking his children for more than 2 consecutive days and look forward to having that time off. Course, it won’t be any fun because my husband is SUFFERING from a toothache that he wont go see the dentist about…

FML

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