The Truth

7 Apr

I haven’t had sex with my husband in 2 years.

Wow just saying that out loud is almost as shocking as I thought it would be.

Let me back up…

I am a very sexual person. IN FACT, I equate sex with love. If you have sex with me, you must love with me (listen, I know that isn’t healthy but this whole blog is about being honest, NOT healthy. I couldn’t pull off healthy). My husband and I have been together for 7 years and we have always been sexual together. Basically if it feels good, do it. We were open with each other and enjoyed a very healthy sex life. 2 years ago (a little more actually) we decided to quit smoking together after 40+ years combined of smoking 1+ pack a day each. We both knew we couldn’t do it without help so we went to the doctor and got Chantix.

We did quit smoking completely and haven’t had one since.  Unfortunately the side effects of the drug was a severe depression for my husband. He stopped being interested in anything, including sex. At the same time, I put on 20 pounds which made me feel HIDEOUS. It took us almost a year to get him on the right combination of antidepressants but unfortunately the trade off ended up being… depressed and mean and uninterested in sex OR happy but still not interested in sex.

Despite what was going on, I still managed to make this about me and started to think it was because I was so fat now and blah blah blah blah blah. I am currently working on my body image with the gym and some running and I think I am starting to come out of it (but still a very long way from being my normal weight). He is weaning himself off the medications with his doctor’s approval and hopefully IF all is said and done we will be back to NORMAL.

I cannot help thinking though that the big pink elephant in the room will make “normal” very impossible. Not to mention that the last time he saw me nude I was a lot cuter and smaller. Not sure how we will get over that hurdle or if we ever will. I do feel like I have to say for the record, husband and I do love each other and consider each other best friends. I just don’t know how to get through this part. I will try to keep you posted.

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